How to love myself

So today I guess I am full of coffee...but not so full on life. I have been really down on myself lately for numerous reasons. It seems that everything in my life is just in a downward spiral and it would be very good to have to upwards motion soon. I am a person that when you meet me ..you might think that I am a very confident ..strong...together person. But, most of the time that is a complete act. I truley don't like myself..for one reason or another. I have been trying to come to terms with the way I am...the way I look and so on..but it's a lot harder than I would like to admit. It's hard to love myself the way I find loving others. I know the old saying you have to love yourself first...but obviously I didn't get that memo. I am one of those obbessed people that hate everything about themselves...and I am always putting myself down inside my own head...it's frustrating somedays ..like I just want to give myself a break but it just doesn't let up. I can't walk by a mirror without looking at it and wanting to cry...or critizing myself for one aspect of my body....I always fuss with my hair tooo much cause I never think it looks right....I can't stand pimples or blemishes on my face so I always try and get rid of them...which usually just makes them worse. I ALWAYS compre myself to others.....and I never come out winning. I have so much stress going on in my life I really shouldn't be so worried about my weight or my appearance but that doesn't seem to matter. I need to love myself I know this....but how? when?...what will make me? I am disgusted with myself most days and I really don't know how others don't find me the same way. I question occasionally ..why does Mr. Jo love me...or find me attractive....or what do my friends really think about me...am I classified as the "fat friend"...it's all so much to handle....I try to diet...or make myself exercise to make me feel good about myself...but it only lasts for so long and then something comes along to get me off track..and back to normal Mrs. Jo...grrr...it's so frustrating. Everytime I get dressed in the morning I want to cry...and alot of the days i do...which is painful...I look at my beautiful kids and hope that they don't go through what I put myself through on a daily basis...I want to love myself...and feel good about myself..i really do...I guess I just don't know how...I feel so low some days I just want to stay in bed all day long....but for my kids...i get up....I love them and want to be better for them...to love me and portray a positive self image for them so they can feel that way about themselves later in life.....someday...hopefully sooner rather than later I will learn to love me...for me...and then work on getting better...and making me a better me.....but for now..I will just try to live one day at a time...I hope you enjoy your coffee...mine obviously was spoiled.